–I woke up at my usual 5 a.m. to our screaming 20 month-old. Every day I pray he’ll sleep longer, but it doesn’t usually happen. So in the stillness of this birthday morning, as I sat and nursed my babe, I thought about what my 43 years of life have been about. What the trends, habits, and patterns have been. And what goals and dreams I have that I’d like to see realized in the next decades ahead.

I pray to be able to do God’s will, not just my own.

I’d like to break the habit of anger and not ruin potentially happy moments by my stubbornness.

I want to believe in myself and have more confidence that what I’m doing is right and good.

I pledge to listen more and scream less.

I realize I am blessed and I am grateful for the love and support my family offers me on a daily basis (gracias mami!!!).

I know I have a specific purpose in life and I pray I fulfill that as best as I can.

I don’t want to have more time, I want to fully enjoy the time I have.

I am thankful I get to be a mom and experience the utter joys, the routine, the grueling schedule, and the fullness of spirit.

I am amazed by my husband’s determination and love, and cherish the moment God glued us together.

I see I need to grow in many areas and welcome the journey.

I remember that I am dust on this Ash Wednesday, and to dust I shall return, so I vow to make the most out of the time I am here.

At the beginning of every year, we make plans, we get inspired, we think how we can grow closer to God, to our spouses, how we can be better parents, etc. etc. There is such fresh potential every January. But by February, it already feels like the year is half-way done, because it’s almost Spring Break, and then Easter, and soon the grocery store will bring out Halloween candy, and then we all know it’s Christmas, and BAM, the year is over.

Time flies. We know. But the media, our schedules, and technology rush us even more. There is an undercurrent of urgency in our lives that I want to stop. I try to go with the flow as much as possible. But I FEEL RUSHED.

My main wish this year (besides health and happiness) is to LIVE THE MOMENT. It sounds passé, perhaps, but I believe it’s the key to joy. It’s essential to be able to hear God’s whispers and to be in-tune with our true purpose.

A very personal goal this year is to help my daughter continue to find her brave voice in social settings. She’s come such a long way since we got the diagnosis of Selective Mutism a year ago. She’s answering questions, raising her hand and being more independent at restaurants, the park, and the store. But since she started at her new school in August, she hasn’t spontaneously spoken to her peers. Am I obsessive? Should I not worry so much? Should I just “let her go”? What’s the big deal? I’ve heard it all from friends and family. It’s a big deal because she’s not expressing herself, giving her opinion, sharing with ANYONE from 8am-3pm. Is this life-threatening? No, but it’s isolating, it’s frustrating and debilitating to remain silent all day because of anxiety.

My daughter is a gift. All my children are. And when I got a poem from my girl this morning, and a Pokemon drawing from my lil guy, I realized I had all I needed.

 

Thank you Lord for this light-filled life you have given me.

(Picture above is me in Spain, about 5 years old, passionately eating cake, as I plan to do today.)