Letter to my Daughter

–Dear Y,

If you are reading this, it’s because you’ve had a baby. There are so many emotions from the moment you see your baby for the first time. I remember reaching for you as you came out, touching the top of your slippery head. My dream became a reality when I held you for the first time.  You have helped to shape me to be a mother. Guiding me and challenging me to become the mom that God wanted me to be.

I want you to know that you are not alone. As thrilling and exhilarating as it is, motherhood can be isolating and lonely. There are so many phases in this journey. And they all go by too quickly. I try to remind myself to enjoy each step, even the rough ones. Because that is part of being a mom.

As I write this, it’s 6:23pm, only 9 days until your 7th birthday. I am 41. Dad just turned 50. S is almost 6 months. He’s taking a late nap. Felipe, 4, is taking a bath. I sit next to him writing this on my phone while he throws Hulk in the water with a splash that gets my legs wet. You are playing in your room with your new doll. You are already an admirable mom. You rock your dolls, talk to them, and tenderly tuck them in when they fall asleep. You are patient, gentle and loving. And you also take care of me. You bring me water, massage my feet, rub my back, and remind F to keep his voice down if I’m resting with the baby.

This has been the toughest job I have ever had. But also the most nourishing to my soul! No one sees the hours of nursing, rocking, and soothing your baby. There is no bonus or trophy. There is no monetary equivalent to pay you for all you do. No memos are exchanged announcing your promotion to motherhood. Yet this is the most important work you will ever do. You are building a life. Making an individual. Molding, and affecting, and injecting everything you are into this being. It can be overwhelming. Especially if your baby doesn’t sleep well at night. That’s what I’m going through right now. And I pray that your little angel sleeps. But if he doesn’t. Know that you will survive this.

If you feel like crying in the middle of the night because you have never felt such exhaustion…

If your nipples are raw, and feel like you might break…

If your back hurts, and even your toes are sore from propping your feet up while you nurse…

If you have no more creative ways to serve ground turkey for dinner…

If you crave some alone time but also hate to leave your baby…

If you want to run away but also want to freeze time to savor each precious moment…

If you doubt everything you do and feel like you’re doing it all wrong…

If you leave the piles of papers and laundry because you can’t organize anything…

If you don’t watch T.V. anymore, or read a book, and some times can’t even take a shower…

Know that you are an amazing mother. That I see you and I am so proud. That what your gut tells you to do is probably better than what I may tell you. That you DO know what you are doing.

Listen to that voice that guides you to be the mother you were born to be. Don’t follow a book, or an App, or a friend’s advice unless your internal voice agrees that it’s the best option for you. And pray. Pray a lot. Because God placed that tiny person in your arms for a reason. He will help you every step of the way.

I adore you and that sweet grandchild of mine more than words can say, and I am always here!

Mama