—I think it’s going to happen at night. The last two times, I’ve started labor at exactly midnight. I wake up with the “this is it” feeling. Then I spend about 3 hours getting things ready, almost wanting to laugh from excitement, riding each “mild” contraction. And then I wake up P and the fun begins.
Every night, before going to bed, I pray a little longer and hug the kids a bit tighter, thinking I’m about to push out a baby and it’s going to change our lives.
I’m at the point where everyone thinks if they can’t reach me, it’s because I’m in labor. Where most people do a “double-take” while walking past me, as if they’d never seen a pregnant woman before. Children point and mothers comment. I’ve never been one to mind the attention, but it’s getting a little old.
I truly am trying to savor the moment. Rubbing my belly, feeling the waves of motion inside of me. A foot here, an elbow there, butt up, shoulder out. The stretching is out of control. I don’t remember feeling this much pressure or movement with my other pregnancies at this stage. I wasn’t this uncomfortable. It wasn’t so hard for me to sit, sleep, get in and out of the car, down and up from a chair, even breathing is hard. And I am so tired of getting up every two hours at night to use the bathroom!
But I know this will all be over soon, and I will be hearing S’s breathing in my arms, feeling his soft hair, silky hands, his warmth on me, rather than in me.
This pregnancy has felt long and tough. But, like the others, it has allowed me to sharpen edges, smooth surfaces, filter, massage, and grow in more ways than just physically. I believe that pregnancy is a chance for us to become better women. To look at ourselves as God sees us. It’s the one chance we get to hold hands with Him and be a part of creation. I’ve done a lot of soul-stretching these past 38 weeks, and learned more about myself, my children, my husband, my family, my relationship with others, and my relationship with God.
Though I was crying out of control just the other night from a feeling of being overwhelmed and exhausted, I feel at peace, prepared, and honored to be able to give birth again. I am ready to set sail, to ride the waves of this ocean of life. My next post will be my birth story, so stay tuned… and prayers are welcome for me and all the mamas out there who are ready to give birth any day now.